Ultimate Guilt Trip

Finally hopping on the bandwagon that is blogging inspired by Joyce.  Today's topic: feeling guilty for no reason.

So it's fourth of July weekend this weekend.  The middle of summer holiday weekend that for most people I know generally means camping or water sports or some combination of the two and is usually the first actual nice weekend of the summer here in the beautiful NW.  For the most part, I'm awful at water sports so I stick to the camping/laying out aspect of this weekend and I was really looking forward to that.  However, for the better part of this week I've been feeling sick and I don't know what's wrong with me and the idea of camping kind of makes me want to jump off a tall building.  The predicament is that I had made plans to go camping with the roommate and her non-boyfriend boyfriend and I hate letting people down.  And I know if I went I would have fun but the lazy side of me just wants to stay home, sleep in, maybe lay out a little and just completely veg out. 

The other part of that is that I thought it was going to be a small group but suddenly it's turned into a village to the tune of 20 people and with the sickly feeling and exhaustion I just don't know if I'm up for that.  But I'm the world's biggest people pleaser.  Cece's constantly trying to break me of what she calls my "enabling" habits.  But really, I just want everyone to be happy.  Hence the predicament.  I feel absolutely awful about bailing on my roomie at the last minute.  And the fact that she's being so nice and diplomatic about it just makes me feel worse.  I think that's part of growing up Catholic, you're constantly feeling guilty about something.  And I'm not even a good Catholic, I'm one of those that only goes on holidays or when my father requires it, but still, I feel the guilt.  That's a whole different post for you though so I digress.

But now I'm sitting here at work, not being able to concentrate on work because I'm feeling guilty about not going.  But also feeling guilty because I made plans to go to the rodeo with Cece and Joyce Sunday night so even if I do go camping I'd have to break plans with them.  And Lord knows all the two of them have to do is look at me right and I feel guilty. 

This is what I like to call a lose-lose situation people...