Adulthood

Bet you all thought I forgot about this blog huh?  And by you all I mean my mother and Joyce as I'm pretty sure they're the only two people on the planet who've bothered to read this blog.  But I digress. 

A lot has happened in a year.  I managed to not up and move to a completely different city which is a pretty big accomplishment for me.  I still feel restless sometimes but I don't think that will ever go away.  Portland has been good to me and, I think, good for me.  Went back to Arizona for a visit and kicked myself for not going earlier.  Finally came to my senses and realized that the person I cared about was never going to reciprocate those feelings.  It's been difficult not talking to him, feeling like I lost my best friend but it's also made me realize that I don't need him.  Life didn't end because our relationship did.  It's hard not to feel like I wasted the last year and a half but seeing as their's nothing to be done about it, I'm choosing to focus on the future.

My best bunny just got married in the most amazingly beautiful ceremony on a beach in Jamaica.  It was so clear from the ceremony and the whole week leading up to it that she and her new husband are deeply, madly, passionnately in love with one another.  It has to be one of the first times in my life I've believed in and witnessed true love.  And I know that sounds ridiculously sappy and cliche but it's the truth.  These are two people who have been through the ups and downs of a seven year relationship and come out the other side better people for it, a better couple for it.  They got married surrounded by fifty of their closest friends and family and it was truly one of the best weeks of my life.  I can only hope that when my day comes there will be as many amazing, caring, smart, witty, hilarous people there to support me. 

It's also been a year of ups and downs with my dads health.  He's currently recovering from an infection which resulted in him having his tailbone removed.  I'm sure he's hating every minute of being stuck in a rehab facility but at least getting out of that place is good motivation for him to get better.  I can't help but feel guilty that I'm not around more.  My siblings shoulder the entire burden of taking him to doctors appointments, looking after my bedridden stepmother, taking care of the house and just generally being there for them.  I know it's ridiculous to feel guilty and I know guilt isn't a good reason to move back to Seattle but sometimes I feel like it would be the responsible thing to do.  I struggle constantly with it.  It's also made me come to terms with the fact that my parents are not invincible.  As much as I'd like to think they're going to live forever (yes mother, I do know you're not going to but it makes me feel better not to admit it) I know it's not realistic.  It makes me want to fast forward my life to the good parts.  Makes me realize that I want my dad to be there to walk me down the aisle.  I want my kids to know how amazing their grandparents are.  I want them to be old enough to remember how much Nana and Grandpa loved them.  In the end, I guess I just want my parents to know that I'm happy and that they did good.  I want them to be proud of me, I want them to know that even though I don't say it I know that I'm lucky to have had them. 

**side note, I'm crying like a little girl right now.  stupid period.  makes me bat shit crazy emotional.  maybe blogging today was a bad idea.

Alright.  Pulled myself together.  What was I saying??  Oh yeah.  So what I think all this means is that I've officially become an adult.  Scary right??  I think about the future a lot.  I wonder where I'll be in ten years.  There are two polar opposite pictures in my head and each day I seem to waiver between which of the two I want more.  I'm trying my best to relinquish my need to have such control over everything and let it work itself out.  I'll let you know how that goes. 

Four Months Later...

Joyce has informed me once again that I need to be blogging more.  Which, I suppose, is valid seeing as I just realized that my last blog was all the way back in July.  Lots has happened since then.  Wedding season was in full effect so I think my brain was just overloaded with travel and buying gifts and the endless parties and smiling and dancing to awful wedding music.  But, I digress...

Fall is in full effect now and that means it's time for my favorite past time: Oregon Ducks football.  Boo yah!  I LOVE MY DUCKS.  And when I say love, I do mean love.  For example, when my friend H came to visit and I gave her shirt options, my entire bed was covered with shirts.  You know you have a problem when your shopaholic friend is concerned.  Another example, I was watching college football with a close friend a couple of weeks ago and practically every other saying that came out of my mouth was "I hate so and so" or "that so and so is such a d-bag" or "kill him."  That last one is a particular favorite of mine to yell on kick returns.  It was a particularly irritating night of football and the Ducks had a bye so I was deprived of the joy of watching them that day and it all resulted in me being particularly harsh.  It also led to my friend saying "Geez, I don't think I've ever heard you say you hate anyone, ever.  You're really into this aren't you?"  Ugh, probably not a good thing when a boy you like says something like that to you.  College football brings out the best and simultaneously, the worst in me. 

Love 'em or hate 'em, the Ducks are one of the most entertaining teams in nation.  Sure we get lots of flack for Uncle Phil being a huge beneficiary or the flashy uniforms or the giant billboards in Times Square but that's also backed up by a lot of winning.  And I do mean a lot.  19 straight at home to be exact and an appearance in the Rose Bowl and then the National Championship.  And, win or lose, I will always be proud to be a Duck fan.  So there it is folks.  Be prepared for lots more talk about the Ducks this fall but don't worry, once basketball season rolls around I'll be much quieter on the subject of Duck athletics.

Onto my next subject: what to be for Halloween.  This is always a conundrum for me.  I'm not a big fan of Halloween at all.  Maybe because one year as a child I was dressed up as the South Korean flag.  I'm clearly still traumatized from that experience.  Or more likely it's the fact that at Halloween females are expected to dress like costumed strippers, freeze their asses off and act like they like it.  Trust me, we don't.  This is why we're usually plying ourselves with copious amounts of alcohol.  It keeps us warm and makes us not think about the fact that we're getting ogled by every person on the street.  Usually I avoid Halloween like the plague.  I enjoy dressing up my nephews and taking them trick or treating.  That's where my joy in Halloween comes from.  However, this year, I am attending a huge Halloween party with my Seattle crew and as such I am expected to go all out where my costume is concerned.  Hence, the conundrum.  I refuse to wear a costume that is entitled "Sexy Sailor" or "Hot French Maid" or some other ridiculousness.  This could be a problem.  The search continues.

Home

According to Joyce's standards I should probably give up blogging altogether seeing as it has been days since my last blog, but here we are.  Lots has happened since the last blog.  Mainly, a girls trip to Seattle that was fabulous but has since ended with me being ridiculously sick.  Like losing my voice, can't stop coughing, exhasuted, sleep all day kind of sick.  I'm not a great sick person, let me just throw that out there.  I'm the kind of sick person who calls their mother and asks her to bring them soup and cough drops.  Seeing as my mother is 3 hours away, that's not working out so well for me.  Although she did offer...I have the best mom.  Seriously, you have no idea, she's the best.


I don't know if it's the delirium from being sick or the fact that I just had a great visit but I'm seriously missing Seattle these days.  Tyler asks me almost every time I talk to him when I'm moving back and it's getting harder and harder to say never.  Don't get me wrong, I like Portland.  It was a good move for me.  Better job, better pay, close to good friends.  I think maybe that I just made the decision to move so quickly that I didn't think of the down side.  I miss seeing my nephews whenever I want to.  It's important to me to be able to watch them grow up.  That's pretty much the only reason I moved to Arizona.  I want to be there for all their moments, not just the big ones.  And I miss my friends.  You spend so much time with people over the years, you start to consider them family.  The boys, Kim, they're my family.  I miss them like crazy.  I never laugh as hard or as much as I do when I'm with them.


Who knows, maybe I will move back.  Maybe I'll stay in Portland and everything will turn out okay.  Or maybe I'll end up someplace completely unknown.  All I know right now is that being a grown up is a lot more confusing than they tell you...

Big Brother

Finger update: my $70 prescription cream seems to be working.  I'm on day 3 of using it and my finger looks way less crusty and now is just kind of red.  The nail is still a little yellow which concerns me but I'll give it another couple of days.  Moving on...

Saturday was quite productive.  Got a long overdue pedicure and finally bought a dress for my cousins wedding.  I actually tried it on first so, unlike the other two, I won't be returning it based on having it show up and look completely different than it did on-line.  Plus I had Joyce for a second opinion and if it wasn't flattering, trust me, I'd know it.  Picture from Nordstrom's website below.

Saturday evening the girls and I went out to meet up with my brother who was in town for a bachelor party.  We pick him up from Acrop and the first thing he says to the guy he's standing outside with is "This is my sister.  Don't touch her."  Which then proceeded to be my name all night and every male I encountered was introduced to me with those same exact words.  Classic overprotective big brother antics in full effect.  Probably not helpful that I was wearing a super tight, cleavage baring dress but I'm 27 years old for goodness sake.  I'm allowed.  By the way, this is exactly why I don't bring guys home.  Because besides my father and stepfather, I also have 3 super overprotective big brothers who own firearms.  A guy pretty much has to be in it for the long haul before they meet the fam. 

Wrapped it all up with a Sunday funday with Rachel.  Couple hours of laying by the pool followed by a few hours of shopping at Washington Square capped off by Tru Blood.  Too bad I forgot my debit card in my clutch from the night before.  My bank account thanks my forgetfulness.

*Side note: Rachel introduced to me to garlic jack cheese yesterday and it's delicious.  Try it, it will change your life.

Finger Update

Good news, I get to keep my finger!  The doctor says I have some sort of weird fingertip eczema that has now turned fungal and gotten infected.  Gave me a prescription for some steroid anti-fungal cream and told me to wear a finger cot (the equivalent of a finger condom) over the finger for two weeks.  I also have to apply vaseline to it 5 times a day.  Attractive.  But at least I get to keep my finger...

Finger Trauma

Thanks for the reminder Joyce, I'm going to have to set myself a reminder because of you.  And because today I have nothing interesting really to say, you all get to hear about this weird infection thing going on with my right ring finger.  It's all weird and crusty and turning my nail yellow.  I have no idea what it is but apparently it is immune to hydrogen peroxide, neosporin, antiseptic wipes and pretty much every other kind of medical ointment I've tried on it.  I'm a little worried my finger's going to up and fall off.  A medical impossibility I know, but still, in my mind pictures run rampant of me with only 4 fingers.  Said finger has been bandaged up for about two weeks now due to my absolute refusal to go to the doctor and the fact that my co-pay is a ridiculous $35 dollars.  I am nothing if not thrifty, I could use that $35 for new shoes and you should all know that shoes are ALWAYS more important than pretty much everything else.  You can tell a lot about a person from their shoes.  But we can discuss my shoe collection another day.  Today, after much convincing, I have a doctor's appointment, more to follow after I waste $35 of my hard earned money...

Weekend Recap

I was informed on Sunday by Joyce that because I am a new blogger I'm supposed to blog daily so my sincere apologies for the 3 day break :)  Anyway, back to last weekend.  As you all know, on Friday I was suffering from mass guilt for not going camping with the roomie.  A small part of that guilt was assuaged Saturday morning when I woke up in my own comfy bed after having slept for 12 hours straight.  I love my bed, I mean seriously, LOVE my bed.  I would stay in bed all day long if it was socially acceptable and I could get paid to do it.  Sweat pants and my bed, two of my favorite things in this world.  But I digress...

The rest of my Saturday was very mellow.  Got my tan on by the pool with Joyce & Cece, ran a little errand to Old Navy, showered and went to dinner.  Let me tell you, that Red Lobster was happening for a Saturday night at 6.  I'm talking line out the door, 20 minute wait, no parking in the parking lot type of happening.  Who knew?!

More of the guilt was gone by the time Sunday morning rolled around and I once again woke up in my super comfortable bed after 10 hours of blissful sleep.  Got up, went to the Orenco market for some Ochoa nachos and the best mini donuts on God's green earth and then came back home and promptly took a nap.  It's a hard life but someone's gotta do it :)  After said nap I quickly showered and got ready for the St. Paul Rodeo which I have to tell you was both frightening and hilarious all at the same time.  I think I saw a combined total of 2 other Asian people at the rodeo along with far too many overweight, beer bellied, chew can in the back pocket, Oregon State supporters.  Oh yeah, have I mentioned yet that I'm a huge Oregon fan and that the colors orange and black together literally make me want to vomit??  If you don't like that, too bad, don't read my blog.  But again, I digress. 

So Monday was pretty much a continuation of my sleepfest and concluded with a BBQ at lil Kidd's casa.  Good times and beer pong to be had by all.  Love that Megan, she cracks me up.  Monday also brought back a little more of the guilt though as the roomie and the non boyfriend boyfriend returned but what can you do.  Although I feel bad for not going, I'm at that point in my life where I don't think I should have to explain or justify myself.  If I don't want to do something, I should be able to just not do it and not feel bad about it for days on end right?  Clearly I haven't fully embraced that concept but I'm not sure that' even possible.  I'm a work in progress...